The Secret to Eating Healthy

Today I sat down to eat my lunch.  It was a very simple salad.  Some greens, carrots, red pepper, grape tomatoes, poached chicken topped with a lovely vinaigrette I made with extra virgin olive oil and this amazing balsamic vinegar from a local store in Sedona, AZ.

Wanna see it?

Ok, so I've already eaten most of it but look how nice and colorful it is.

And as I was sitting eating my salad I had an epiphany.  Eating healthy isn't always easy and sometimes you do it because it needs to be done.  I know I've mentioned before how my co-workers like to comment on my food and how they wish they could eat more like me.

Well, the truth is, I don't always like what I eat.  The truth is, sometimes I'd RATHER be eating what they're eating.  But I don't for 2 reasons:

1.  My body does not forgive easily for food indiscretions.  If I stray too far from my regimented eating, then my body strikes back at me and boy is it ugly. 

2.  In my quest for gaining health, I've seen, heard, and read too much.  I know what that bad food is doing to my insides.  I know that in the long run, bad food just isn't doing me any favors health wise.  And if I TRULY want to get better (and I do, I really do) -- and not just lose weight but feel NORMAL again, then I must give my body as much help as possible.

And so I sat eating my pretty salad.  There was no pleasure in any of it.  I was literally eating to get rid of my hunger.  I was eating to fuel my body.  And THAT'S the secret to how I eat healthy.  I know that in order to feel truly good about myself, sometimes I have to make the sacrifice.  Sometimes it's about forgoing what I want in order to give my body what it needs.

And it's not all the time.  Most of the time it's really easy.  But on those days when almost anything else sounds better than what I've prepared for myself, those are the days I just dig in and remind myself that it's just fuel for the fire.

 

Weekly Weigh In: Week ??

I can't believe a it's been about a month and a half since my last recorded weigh in.

Seriously, it felt like one week.  I was a little flabbergasted when I looked at the calendar and I realized I was many, many weeks behind.

Anyway, while I've been gone, it has been both good and bad.

First the bad.

Cause that's how I roll.

Shortly after my last post, I had a few gains and a few losses.  Then another gain.  And another.  And then I'd maintain and then I'd gain more.  And as of my last weigh-in (last Friday) I stood on the scale and accepted my fate.  I weighed my highest weight in 6 years.  And I wasn't shocked at all.   My eating habits during the last month and a half were clearly not in alignment with losing so I am happy I don't weigh more.   And let me be clear, when I say my highest weight in 6 years, it's only 6 pounds more than what I weighed in January of 2013.  But it's a big deal to me.

And now the really bad news, though I weigh just a few pounds more than I did even in September, the jeans that fit me back in September most definitely do not fit now.  That tells me something very important.  I've lost muscle and gained fat.  A lot of fat.  You know how you can't trust the scale to tell you when you have a true loss?  Well, you can't trust it to keep you on track with a true gain.  I might have only gained 6 pounds of scale weight, but the inches I gained around my waist probably sent me up two sizes.  I wish I could say this is shocking, but it's not. 

There are a lot of reasons this has happened.  First, tis the season.  Not an excuse just a matter of fact.  Halloween, followed by my birthday, followed by Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas.  It's a killer combination.  Second, the time change.  This gets me every year.  I have a harder than usual time when we set the clocks back in November.  I suffer mildly from seasonal affective disorder.  Nothing too big but it does wreak a little havoc every year.  And thirdly, well honestly, those 2 things added together equals most of it.  The SAD zaps my motivation, gets me a little down, and then the string of food related holidays usually gives me the old one-two punch.  And the next thing I know I'm sitting on the couch wondering what's wrong with me?


You know what?  Nothing is wrong with me.  I just didn't do what I was supposed to do.  That's all.  My body isn't broken, I just gave my body what it needed to gain fat.  End of story.  And the only way to get rid of it ...

Well, that's the easy part.  I know how to get rid of it, I just had to find my mojo to get back into the swing of things.  But we'll talk about that part later.


Now lets talk about the good stuff that has happened since last we met.  Because believe it or not, it wasn't all bad ;)


I ran a 5k! 

And I only had one goal.  To run it in under 40 minutes.  I know that's not a crazy fast time or anything but it's what I wanted.  I'm pleased to say that I made that goal.

I have also been exercising since I last wrote.  I continued to run 3 days a week.  It has only been in the last week (after my 5k) that I took a week off.

I signed up for another 5k on Thanksgiving morning.  I may have already told you this, but it's still something good I did. 

I surprised my fiance with tickets to his first NBA game last weekend and I was utterly pleased to find out the seats were super close.   I'm his hero now.  And who doesn't love being a hero?  That's Blake Griffith walking by us to go back to the locker room. 

Doesn't he remind you of that famous Sasquatch photo?

And finally, yesterday I went out on my lunch break to go on a walk to try to get more activity into my day.  I haven't done this in awhile so I was very happy that I took the initiative.  Sometimes taking the first step back into a healthy lifestyle (no matter how small) is the hardest.  And for something so small, it made a huge impact on my motivation because today I feel like a new person.

And wouldn't you know, the universe rewarded me for my healthy decision.

I took my usual walk up to Universal City and they were filming Extra TV up there.  So I stood by for a few minutes and got to see AC Slater.

That is Mario Lopez and Nicolette Sheridan doing some ballet.  I have no idea why, but I'm putting this in my good column because it's always nice to catch something fun.  Especially during work hours.  Plus I'm trying to be as positive as possible here folks.

Now if I could just win the lottery this week ...

Weigh In Update

Hello everybody.

It's been a few weeks since I have last posted on here.  I wasn't expecting to take a break, it just kind of happened!

So the last we spoke, I was just finishing up my Whole30 and I do have additional comments on that whole experience but I'll have to get to that in another post.

First, a couple of things have changed since the last time and I hope they will only impact me POSITIVELY.

First and foremost, I got engaged!!  It happened a couple days after my last reported weigh-in.  So we've been in a whirlwind of excitement over that.  I kind of lost track of blogging as were being doted on by our friends.  No, we don't have a date set yet but off-handed it's looking like next August or September.  In any case, things just kind of got real on my weight loss efforts.  I've always envisioned myself losing all my weight before I got married.  But you know, that was always in the future.  Well it looks like the future just caught up with me.  GULP ;)

Wanna see my ring??  I didn't want to go with traditional so we went with black AND white diamonds in a non-traditional setting.  I love it!  It's crazy sparkly.  And oh how I love sparkles.

Secondly, I quit weight watchers.  I had been thinking about this one for a while so it wasn't a spontaneous decision.  Over the last 8 months, I have been tracking my food and trying my best to lose weight and what I found was that, for me, the quality of the food completely outweighed how I tracked the food.  And lets face it, money is tight for everyone right now.  It doesn't officially go away until mid-September but I've already switched back over to my LoseIt application.  I was an original member of their premium program so it only costs me $15 a year to continue with that.  So I'll save over $200 for the year with the switch.  I'm in a hard save mode since the engagement so every little bit helps.  Besides, it'll be a nice little experiment.  My theory is that I won't see a major difference in my weight loss.  I think it's the balance of everything that dictates whether I lose weight or not.  I don't think it has anything to do with the method of tracking.  Meaning, if the quality of the food I eat is at its highest (whole foods) and I get in my workouts (ugh) then I'll lose.

In any case, it's nice to change things up.  And it's SUPER nice to get that money back each month.

And thirdly, I signed up for a 5k in November.  It's actually on my birthday!  For the last 3 years I've always done a race and I haven't done one this year so I decided to find one and this one happened to be on my birthday so I signed up!  It's the Hard Rock Cafe 5k and this one is in Hollywood running down the boulevard.  I haven't done a race in Hollywood yet so I thought it would be interesting.  Plus, it's a nice little incentive to keep me working out.  The competitor in me hates Hates HATES to do less than her best.  I started training last week and I'm proud to report that even though I haven't run since last November (my last race actually) I was able to eek out 2 miles without any major difficulty.  

And finally the moment you've been waiting for.  Since my last weigh-in I'm up 5.8 pounds.  And I'm sheepishly smiling as I'm typing this.  We've been in celebratory mode for 2 weeks in a row AND in 3 days we leave for the east coast to see my family.  The original plan had been to do the Whole30 then take a weekend off then hit it again so we'd be prepared for our beach vacation.  However, he had other plans.  He asked me to marry him and so our plan turned into:  do the Whole30 take a weekend off, get engaged, then CELEBRATE CELEBRATE CELEBRATE!!!

In all honesty though, while I don't regret my celebrations because we've just experienced a major life event that DESERVES to be celebrated, I do, however, feel yuck yuck YUCK!!  I tried on some things last night to start mentally packing for the upcoming trip and to my chagrin, things weren't fitting so well.  Especially bathing suits.  I was kind of depressed last night but after getting a good night's sleep I woke up with a little perspective.  I decided to stop stressing, get back on track, let you guys know that I was still alive and enjoy life right now.  Our last celebratory event was Sunday night so my body is still working out some of the gunk that I ingested and I know that I'll easily drop most of those 5 pounds in a few days.  It's just hard to work through the mental aspect of it sometimes.  You know?  So I've been eating lost of vegetables and chicken this week and trying to get in my workouts. 

And that's what's been going on.

I have a lot more to talk about but those will have to be in future posts.  They include:  engagement plans, vacation plans, racing plans, and Whole30 afterthoughts to name a few.

Hope you guys are all excellent!!

Today's Menu:
B:  paleo breakfast casserole
L:  chicken zoodle soup
D:  chicken salad on top of giant salad

can you tell I made a lot of chicken this week?  :)

Whole30: Days 22 - 28 and Final Thoughts

Today is Day #29.

ONE MORE DAY TO GO.

This last week has been the hardest.  I went from feeling amazing to feeling like I'm crawling thru mud.  It's completely due to me not eating enough.  Don't worry - that is all explained in the novel that is below.

But first -

What I ate:

Breakfast:

egg casserole:  spinach, mushroom, onion, sausage, coconut milk (I generally made a variation of a breakfast casserole for each week)

Lunch/Dinner: 

chicken pot pie soup:  chicken, coconut milk, mushroom, peas, carrots, red pepper, onion, garlic, shallots, chicken broth

sirloin steak with mushroom gravy and sweet potato fries

bacon, lettuce and tomato wraps (in lettuce)

plain old scrambled eggs

salad, raw vegetables, chicken, oil and vinegar

apples (BONUS:  apples taste like candy to me now.  CANDY!)


And while I haven't officially completed my Whole30, I'm going to go ahead and give my thoughts on this whole process.

I'll be honest, it was both good and bad.  For me, it was a seesaw of good and bad.  Some days the bad outweighed the good.  And some days it was worth it.  And honestly, it still changes from day to day. 

I'll go over the good first:

1.  How can eating wholesome foods be bad?  Short answer:  it can't.  So 30 days of eating a wide variety of vegetables, fruits, nuts and grassfed meat was pretty awesome.

2.  You get a sort of pride when you eat healthfully.  And when you're doing it 100% of the time for THIRTY days.  Well, they should make a t-shirt for that because I think it's an amazing accomplishment.

3.  In an effort to mix up my menu, I turned to foods I never have cooked before.  Trying new vegetables is always a plus in my book.  I tried kale, parsnips, and turnips to name a few.  Some were more successful than others.

4.  I learned a few things about my eating habits and how I can tweak my pre-Whole30 diet to be a little better.

5.  Consciously cutting out sugar is a good idea.  When you're mindful about not using it, you find that it's really not that big of a deal and you're really better off eating less of it.

6.  My body shrunk.

And now, the bad:

1.  It was, of course, hard. 

2.  I didn't feel I actually needed to do it once it was underway.  In January of this year, I did my elimination diet and this was basically the same thing.  EXCEPT, I only took out gluten.  This took out the entire grains category.  I already know I have problems with gluten, dairy, soy, and a little bit with corn (it makes me have crazy cravings).  And after I learned all of my new food limitations I was already eating with those in mind.  I rarely ate out, got fast food, or ate anything processed.  I had been doing that for 6+ months and I had such a handle on it, this just felt redundant to me.

3.  I felt deprived.  Mainly because of #2.  I already had my food problems identified and I knew how to manage them and eat around them.  I read the book, I understood their reasons for taking out certain foods, but once I got about 3 weeks in, I really, REALLY felt like I didn't fully agree this process was right for me.  I do agree that if I had been an individual who had been eating a Standard American Diet then this shock would be necessary, but I'm not that person.

4.  If I didn't know how to cook and didn't have my previously learned knowledge about cooking dairy free and gluten free especially, I would have been screwed.  I get why people quit.  You HAVE to get creative to keep things interesting.  Unless you're the type of person who likes to eat just a protein and veggie (and believe it or not some do), you'll get bored and you'll get cranky.  Quick.

5.  I also didn't agree with the not using Whole30 approved foods to make fan favorite dishes (you know, dessert, pizza, pancakes etc.).  I feel the best thing I learned from my first elimination diet was just this.  I taught myself how to make dishes that were "normal".  In fact, I tried hard to modify my favorite dishes to keep them in the rotation.   I often felt like an "outcast" because I couldn't eat normal foods.  When people invited me over, I was happy I could bring something that looked and tasted normal - and little did they know it fit into the strict confines of my diet.  Furthermore, this one thing is mainly the reason I have continued eating this way this whole year.  If I want pizza, I have a great grain free crust that really hits the spot.  It has 3 ingredients in it.  And I top it with the best ingredients I can find.  If I hadn't taught myself how to do this, I would rely on getting a gluten free pizza from a restaurant.  And just because something is gluten free does NOT mean it's healthier.  I'm sure it's laden with soybean oil, processed cheese, and all kinds of other not good stuff.

6.  I did not eat enough.  Plain and simple.  This happened to both myself and my boyfriend.  I don't know the science behind it but the last week my energy dropped like a brick.  And I realized, I wasn't averaging enough calories to even have my body function normally.  This is actually both good and bad.  It's good because it shows you how hard it is to overeat on wholesome foods.  They are so filling and much lower in calories than say, a Big Mac.  But at the same time, it was bad because I found it hard to eat ENOUGH calories to even get me through my workouts.  I'll admit this last point is driven by the deprivation I was feeling.  I'm sure I could have stuffed my face with anything to get my calories up, but the bad thing was I didn't want to eat.  At all.  I just started to hate eating food.

and lastly ....

7.  I think it sets you up for a binge.  Especially because of reason #5.  I'm actually afraid of this.  I went to the forums to see how many people were dealing with this and guess what, there are TONS of posts about being afraid.  And rightly so.  Never before this year have I wanted to just throw caution to the wind and eat ... well ... everything.  I've written before about how this year I've had such a handle on my eating.  I don't feel that way right now.  I feel like if I allowed myself, I could have 2 weeks solid of just eating.  I've already made a firm plan for the upcoming weekend to help me with this.  I'm allowing myself pizza.  It's the one thing I think both of us really want so on Saturday (we finish tomorrow) we're having pizza.  And yes, we're both afraid that it'll be like opening up pandora's box.  However, we've agreed that no matter what happens, come Monday, we're starting back up again with our healthy eating habits. 

CONCLUSION: 

While it appears I had mostly negative things to say about this I'm happy I did it, although I probably won't be doing it ever again (as written).  But I've been wanting to do it and I did it.  And most importantly, I finished.  So of course that makes me happy.  I also learned a lot about how my body reacts to certain foods.  What keeps me full longer and what doesn't.  I learned about some new veggies which is awesome.  On the down side, I kind of feel like I messed with a good thing.  I was in a great place with my eating, weight loss and such.  I had a handle on my cravings, on my food choices and my overall relationship with food.  This was truly a learning experience.  And in case you're wondering, yes, I would recommend people try it out.  It may be the thing for you.  And again I would like to stress, while at times it seemed it wasn't for me, I never would have known unless I tried it.  Such a weird thing isn't it?  I'm spouting that It made me unhappy but I'm supremely happy I did it and made it all the way through despite my personal findings.  See what I mean?  Seesaw.

I said I wouldn't be doing this again but only not as written.  I have tried to read up on grains and there is validity to what they say about grains but I've also read the counterarguments.  I, personally, don't think wheat is ever a good idea but there are other whole grains out there that I wouldn't be opposed to eating on occasion (basically rice).  Cutting out gluten permanently for me was honestly not a big deal.  The beans argument also isn't a big one for me.  I actually rarely eat them, however, I won't purposefully not eat something tasty and healthy if it has beans in them.  And dairy.  I don't eat it every day or even once a week.  It's one of those once in awhile things for me and it will continue to be that way for me.  And alcohol, again, I'm not a big drinker but every now and then I like to have a hard apple cider or a glass of wine.  And finally sugar.  There is no argument from me.  Sugar is not good and I definitely will try my best to keep it out as much as possible and choose my battles when it comes to indulging.  As far as processed ingredients, they have been out and will stay out!

So there you have it. 

Again, I encourage everyone to give it a try.  And if you need ideas for recipes give me a shout.  I have a ton.

Also I'll post my before/after pics and measurements once I'm officially done.  Also I have some thoughts on the weight loss aspect of this program because I feel like most people do it for that ;)

Today's Menu:
B:  egg casserole:  spinach, mushroom, onion, sausage, coconut milk
L:  chicken pot pie soup:  chicken, coconut milk, mushroom, peas, carrots, red pepper, onion, garlic, shallots, chicken broth
D:  maybe some sashimi!

Whole30: Days 15 - 21

According to the timeline, the tiger blood feeling is supposed to come at Day 16. 

What is tiger blood?  Well, the best I can figure, it just means you feel like you are awesome.  Like nothing can touch you.

It didn't come at Day 16 for me, but they clearly also tell you that your miles may vary.

I believe I got my tiger blood transfusion Monday (Day 21).  And I waited thru Tuesday to confirm that the transformation was complete.  Seriously, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Well, a ton of good bricks.  I had more energy than I knew what to do with, food thoughts were a thing of the past, and I felt like I could wrestle a bear and win.

And that's really all I have to report about this last week.  What's funny is all of that anger I had, all the pining for conventional food seems like months ago.  My brain now can't seem to grasp why I ever would have those feelings or cravings.

I've said it before and I'll say it again ...

Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't look around once in awhile...

Wait, no.  That's something else. 

What I was meant to say is that the human body and brain are AMAZING.  And what's crazy to me is how much food can affect both of those systems.

Before I started these 30 days, I scoured forums and blogs to find information about this part of the phase.  I wanted to know exactly what I could do to get to this point.  And fast.  Nobody wants to suffer through the ugly to get to the good.  However, everything I found written said kind of the same thing.  It was days and days of the bad or the uncomfortable and then BOOM.  The good.  I was looking for some sort of transition and I couldn't find it.  Now I know why.

There is no transition folks.  It just happens.  And it may happen for you on Day 12, Day 16, Day 21, even Day 30 or later.   So basically, you'll eat these foods, you probably will have some food grumpies, you'll feel like giving up, then BOOM.  The end.  You feel great and it's all worth it.

That's all I have to say about that.

Food:

Breakfast:

parsnip casserole:  parsnips, sugar free bacon, coconut milk, seasonings

apples and almonds

veggie scramble:  eggs, vegetables of choice

Lunch/Dinner:

chili:  ground beef, yellow/orange/green peppers, onions, tomatoes, seasonings

baked drumsticks, green beans, cole slaw (broccoli slaw, mayo, vinegar) and deviled eggs

eggs and bacon

sashimi:  salmon, tuna

steak and eggs with tomato slices

Ripped in 30: Update

Before the holiday and my break, I was on level 2/week 2 of Ripped in 30.

First, let me give you the facts:

Workout 2/Level 2 sticks with the circuit style training:  3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, 1 minute of abs.  The total run time is about 30 minutes and the only equipment you need is a set of hand weights, a mat (if you're working on a hard surface), and some good old fashioned motivation.  I burned 325 calories according to my HRM.

Man, this one is tough.  So far I can say that Ripped in 30 is definitely harder than 30 Day Shred.  I actually wish I had done this one first and I'll tell you why.



I really feel like if I had done Ripped in 30 first, I would have had even more amazing results.   I dedicated more time to my 30 Day Shred program because, simply put, I was more motivated.  It's hard to do the same workout over and over.  By the time I hit Ripped in 30 I had already done Slim in 6 AND 30 Day Shred.  Now, while both are fine workouts, they do require that you repeat workouts A LOT!  And after 10+ weeks of doing that, it gets monotonous. 

So by the time Ripped in 30 came around, I think I just needed a break.  I made it to Level 2/Workout 2 and then my 4th of July break hit.

And that puts us right here.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I will NOT be finishing Ripped in 30.  At least not right now.  I definitely want to give it a try, but when I'm refreshed and renewed and ready to dedicate 30 days to doing it the right way because I really REALLY believe this one is an ass kicker that will do pretty amazing things to your body.

I'm actually looking forward to the day that I get to retry it.  And a little scared.

No lie.  That workout is hard!

Weight Watchers Weigh In: Week 34

Hey y'all.

Fun fact:  I was born and raised in Virginia where the phrase y'all is used quite frequently, as you can imagine.  I haven't lived there since 2000 and I still use y'all like it's going out of style.

And I probably always will.

It's been a long week.  Nothing too stressful happened.  It was more like time just seemed to move at a brutally slow pace.  However, tis Friday and therefore I shall rejoice.

Hurrah!  Hurrah!

Weigh In:  -1.2 lbs

Rejoice again I shall.

Hurrah!  Hurrah!

If my math is right (and it always is- Tony Stark) since January 2nd, I have lost 13.8 pounds.  That's huge!  If memory serves, that's the most consistent weight loss I've ever had in my adult life with relative ease.

For years I have always either counted calories or points.  I always stayed within what was the appropriate calorie deficit for my height and weight but I rarely lost consistent weight.  And if I did, seeing more than a pound loss total per month was a joyous occasion for me.  And I ALWAYS worked out.  HARD.  I ran, I lifted weights, I played sports, I did it all.  Up until January 2013 that has always been my plan.  I followed my points/calories, I worked out 5-6 days a week and I'd pray for the weight loss to happen.  And I usually felt horrible.  I was usually hungry, craving some sort of take-out/fast food item.  Or counting the seconds til the weekend when I could have my "cheat day" and finally be satisfied.  I also felt like I had no control over the situation.  I felt like I had no control over what I was eating. 

When I was younger, this sort of worked for me.  I was able to keep serious weight gain at bay but never really got the results I wanted.  But as I got older (especially in the last couple of years) it eventually became this cycle that wore me to the bone.  Monday thru Friday I was diligent.  I always stayed within my daily points/calories and I got in my workouts (intense hour plus long workouts).  But I was either always hungry or always wishing I was eating something else.  I didn't want to touch those Weekly Points because I wanted them for the weekend.  And then the weekend would come and I would eat those "naughty" items.  I wouldn't go over my points (most of the time) but I would relish every last one.  And then come Monday morning, I'd weigh 5 pounds heavier due to my weekend splurges.  And then during the work week, I'd be diligent again and slowly would lose those 5 pounds and if I was really, really lucky maybe an extra quarter pound would come off too.  But then the weekend would come and I would do it over again.

And that made for some terribly slow weight loss.  Or rather, it made for some non-existent weight loss.

From mid September 2012 to the end of December 2012 I had been on WW for 15 weeks.  At the end of those 15 weeks I had lost 0.2 pounds total.

See what I mean?  Vicious cycle.

And while I knew this was going on I still felt like something was wrong with me.  Like there was nothing left for me to try to lose weight because it just wasn't working for me.

Then in January of this year I changed everything about the way I ate.  And if I'm going to be honest, I was pretty scared to do it.  I'd like to say I was so frustrated about my weight (and I was) that I was just hell-bent on changing everything to get results.  But even knowing that change was necessary to get what I DESPERATELY wanted (weight-loss), I was afraid to give up eating certain foods. 

It was my own Sophie's Choice.  Did I want to be miserable in my body (because I was starting to become that way) but be able to eat whatever deliciousness I wanted OR did I want to try to make some dietary changes which would most definitely make me healthier and just might make me lose some weight?

I easily made the decision to change my diet but in the weeks leading up to my designated date (I chose January 2), I had all sorts of negative feelings about it.  I was doubtful it would work, I was scared I would miss food too much, I was nervous that my life would be miserable because I couldn't eat whatever I wanted.

I seriously had that thought.  That I would have a miserable existence because I was cutting unhealthy food out of my life.  That's just not right.

There are people who CAN eat whatever they want and maintain a healthy life and weight.  I am not one of those people.

I have NEVER been one of those people. 

So after a couple months of preparation and because of other on-goings in my life, on January 2nd, I started a particular elimination diet that would eventually change my way of thinking.  I cut out the processed food and other items and ended up learning that my body doesn't do well on certain foods.  Apparently my body does not like gluten, dairy and to a small degree soy and eggs.

And from there, my world changed.

I lost weight even though I wasn't exercising.  I taught myself that taking things out of your diet doesn't mean you have nothing left to eat, in fact, there are usually too many choices!  I learned that certain foods have an excessive amount of control over me and when I stop eating them, I take back ALL control.  And  I learned that it's still hard work.

There is no band-aid people.  No matter which path your body takes you on, there will always be hard work along the way.

None of these revelations were overnight.  I still struggle with feelings of success and failure.  I still have moments where I wish I were "normal".  But they aren't as bad as they used to be.  Thank God.  But the best thing I've learned is that changing my diet did NOT make me miserable :)

What I did this week:

1.  I earned probably around 15 AP.  I did five 30 Day Shred workouts.  I took an extra day off due to crazy muscle soreness.  I don't know what it is about level 2 but it makes my hips and lower back hurt crazy bad.  I think it's the last ab exercise, the plank while bringing your knee over.  Whatever it is, it makes for some serious body soreness.

2.  I ate 214 points for the week (I do not count AP towards my total)

3.  Water = :)

4.  What I ate.  This past week I made my homemade Big Macs, chef salad, soup au pistou (fancy name for vegetable soup to which I added chicken), roasted chicken lettuce wraps, and chicken scampi.  I also indulged in some larabars, peanut butter, and sushi.  But not at the same time. (I'll be trying my hand at homemade larabars this weekend.  If I'm successful I'll let you know)

Today's Menu:
B:  Larabar
L:  Chef Salad + Apple
D:  Soup au Pistou ** and probably some sushi ;)

Results!

I went to the orthopedist on Monday to get the results of my MRI and the doctor's final diagnosis.

I waited for 2 1/2 hours to even get in the office.  TWO and 1/2 HOURS.  When I first walked into the waiting room, I was one of maybe 20 people in there.  One and a half hours later, it was just me so I politely asked how much longer - she told me 10 minutes.  THIRTY minutes after that, the front desk lady called to me and asked me if I was just sitting there waiting for someone to come out.

I sat there shocked.  And honestly, it's beyond me how kindly I responded that no, I was still waiting for my 3:00pm appointment since it was now 5:00pm.

I was taken back after another 10 minutes and then waited in the examining room.  By this time, all my questions were out the window.  I was so aggravated I just wanted him to look at my MRI and tell me what he thought.

Finally he came in.  Long story short at this point - the MRI didn't reveal any real damage.  I guess that's good.  He didn't see anything severe enough to be causing all the chaos in my body so we agreed on physical therapy, muscle relaxers and a follow-up in 6 weeks.

I was happy that he didn't find anything severe but was unnerved I didn't get an exact answer.

The next day at work, a co-worker suggested going to this holistic massage therapist he had seen.  I was in so much discomfort I said yes.

Besides, my insurance won't cover physical therapy until I fully reach my deductible which I'm not anywhere close to doing.

I went to see this guy last night and it was pretty amazing.  I told him what the doctor had told me and he seemed to know what was going on.  It was more like physical therapy than a massage.  He poked and prodded and stretched out my muscles and asked me lots of questions.  The next thing I know, he's asking these weird questions like "did you have a cough in the fall?".

I had.  I had had this really bad cough from September til early November.  And then he asked "did your back and neck pain really start after that cough?".

I thought about it and realized that it had.

He told me I had a rib out of place.  He put it back and then I immediately felt the right side of my body give way.  He said it's very common with coughs and sneezing and he said he felt like that was part of my problem.

He said body pain is like a ball of string.  If you can find the end of the string, you can unravel it.  He said my rib was the end of my string.  So from there, he found a couple of other places that needed crazy work.

 I walked out of there like a new woman.  Was I completely healed?  No.  But I felt better than I had in months.  He told me we'd have to wait and see about my elbow pain.  Since it comes and goes I have to wait to see if it comes back. 

I went to bed last night pain free and crazy relaxed.  Today, I feel a little sore from all the work and I can tell there is still a little bit of stuff that needs to be worked out in my upper back, but I definitely feel better.

Even though it was a pain in the butt, I'm glad I did the MRI and found out that nothing major was going on structurally in my spine.  I know now, that I CAN workout.  I also know that I can go back to this guy and have him help me some more.  

So I guess this means that I should start working out.

Today's Menu:
B:  coffee
L:  orange ginger chicken salad + soup au pistou
D:  baked ziti

Weigh In Is TOMORROW!

This week has gone really well eating wise.  I really think it gets easier to "keep it clean" as time goes by.

I remember the first couple of days of changing my eating and I'd see commercials for all sorts of food and treats on the tv.  And I'll admit, I'd look at them and think "yum!".  These days, I look at them and all I can think is "they can't find a way to make the food look more appetizing?".  That's it.  I think McDonald's, in particular, needs to do something to make their television commercials show the food in a more appealing way.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm well aware that the food tastes awesome.  It's just that the mere sight of these foods really doesn't bother me or tempt me anymore.  You know, I've heard people say this before.  In fact, I have a friend who, years ago, changed their way of eating and in the event they HAVE to eat fast food they like to say "I can totally taste all the chemicals.  It doesn't even taste like real food".  Yeah, I don't ever think that I'll be that person.  I may be eating clean but I will be the first to say "YES, it tastes phenomenal".

Yesterday marked my 28th day of ... I don't know what to call it.  My new life?  My way of eating?  My foray into the world of whole foods?  My experiment???  I guess I'll just call it change.

Yesterday marked my 28th day of change (it'll do for now).  That means for 4 weeks solid I have kept to my guns about eating more healthily.  They say it only takes 21 days to make a habit, but I think I'm going to give it another couple of weeks before I test out whether I really do have a habit or not ;)

I will say that for the first time in a long time I feel like I have more control over food and eating.  Over my choices, my appetite, my hunger all those good things.  In fact, I even had a dream last night about it.  I dreamt I was at work and a co-worker came by my desk offering up cupcakes for their birthday.  I took one, said thank you and then discretely threw it away.  However, I do remember another co-worker standing to the side laughing at me because he knows I'm not eating those kinds of things these days.   But that just made the dream even more realistic because that would really happen.  The point is, even in my DREAMS, I'm handling things.  I think that's a good sign.

In other news ...

I went to the orthopedist on Monday.  I didn't get a direct answer (do you ever?) however, I did get a referral to get an MRI.  UGH.  Yup, I have myself an appointment this coming Monday to have an MRI on my cervical spine (neck).  He thinks all of my problems are stemming from my neck.  I don't know about you but that doesn't sound so good to me.  Hopefully everything will be ok.  He didn't say anything about me not working out but honestly, I didn't ask him.  I was trying to process what he was saying.  I figure he would have said something if I'm not supposed to since I DID tell him that I first got the pain FROM working out and that I had CONTINUED to do cardio since that time.

I don't know.  I want to go to the gym but I'm seriously hyper-focused on my neck right now.  Every time it creaks or aches or I move my head around I can't help but think something is wrong and I'm destroying my spine and my head will pop off.  I'm such a hypochondriac. 

Today's Menu:
B:  Blueberries + Pea Rice Protein (vanilla) + Coconut Milk = smoothie
L:  Chunky Tomato Bisque with Shrimp
D:  Cheeseburger + awesome lettuce bun + caramelized onions + fixins + oven fries

PS:  I took half of a muscle relaxer last night before bedtime.  I got them for my neck - they make me pass out AND hallucinate!  I woke up in the middle of the night and looked around my room to see tv web cams everywhere.  And I sat up in bed and thought "aw man, they're all watching me again" and I reached around to make sure my PJs were covering everything.  And then I looked up at the ceiling to see plastic animal-like things scurry along the ceiling.

You'd think these things would terrify me but apparently it was business as usual in my head so I went back to sleep.

Baby Steps to Working Out ...

I not only need to workout.  I now desperately want to workout.

What happened?

Well, while walking into work this morning I had my A-ha! moment.

I was walking thru the parking garage carrying my gym bag and lunch bag in my left hand by my side.  I then started lifting both bags up so that I could carry my gym bag on my shoulder.

But something happened.

I couldn't do it.

At first I thought I just had a weird grip so I tried it again.  Nope.  I literally could not lift them.  I didn't have any pain or anything, I just didn't have the muscle for it.

So I went to my desk and made an appointment with my orthopedist.  If any of you have been following me, you'll surely remember my run with p90x last year.  It was awesome.  I gained muscle.   I lost inches.  I felt great.  However, I also hurt my elbow.  And I've been resting it since I wrote that post back in June 2012.  It still hasn't gotten better.  And I've stayed off of it because any time I've used it too much it starts hurting constantly.  In fact, 3 weeks ago I went to the Urgent Care doctor because I had some crazy, out of the blue swelling around my elbow that was painful.  She gave me some pain medicine and said "please go see your orthopedist".

So, I'm going to see my orthopedist.  I mean, if I can't lift a gym bag then something isn't right.   It was a shocking moment to be honest.  I knew I had lost a lot of my strength but this felt different.  I felt scary weak.  After a couple of hours passed, I picked up my bags again and tried again to put the bag on my shoulder.  Fortunately, I was able to do it.  I don't know why I completely failed when I tried earlier but either way, it shouldn't happen.

My appointment is Monday afternoon.  And whatever he tells me to do, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to get better and then I'm going to happily workout.

I don't like this being weak thing.

I don't like it one bit.

I might even do p90x again.

But first things first.

To the doctor I shall go ...... 

Today's Menu:
B:  coffee + chocolate pea rice protein + coconut milk = makeshift mocha frappuccino!
L:  rice + thai green curry
D:  steak + mushroom sauce + mashed potatoes + green beans

2 Days til Weigh In and ...

I still haven't worked out!!

What is WRONG w/ me.  I have all of these good intentions to do it but they somehow always go out the window! And it's definitely not for lack of resources.

Let's see.  I have:

1. a gym membership
2. a well stocked home gym (no cardio equipment but EVERYTHING you need for strength training)
3. an awesome location for my job.  I can walk to the gym on my lunch break so time is usually not a problem
4. tons of workout clothing
5. BRAND NEW RUNNING SHOES.  I bought myself brand new, top of the line, running shoes right before Christmas.  They've been walked in a handful of times but THAT'S IT

See?  I have all of those wonderful things.  But the one thing I don't have is any desire.  Usually when I don't workout, I am riddled with guilt and feel just horrible.  That hasn't happened.  UGH.  I tried setting the goals last week for some motivation but even thinking about coming here and telling you find people about how I didn't workout didn't budge me one bit.

I hang my head in shame.

Also as of right now my weight is up this week.  Now you'd think that THAT would be something to get me moving but sadly .... no.

All I can do is try.  I'm going to TRY to start.

Today's Menu:
B:  Vegetable Soup
L:  Lentil Soup
D:  Cajun Chicken Pasta

Lots of soup for me.  I was running late for breakfast so I grabbed what was already made.  I must say it was warm, creamy and very filling.

PS:  I don't want to workout.

Mid Week Update: The Hunger Pains

I made it through yet another weekend.  I had one minor snafu.  Saturday I was sidelined for almost half a day with what seemed like a sinus/migraine/tension headache.  It was the perfect storm of headaches.

My upper back and neck had tons of knots causing the tension headache.  I had a stuffy nose helping along the sinus headache and I hadn't eaten anything but a sweet potato in 24 hours which just gave me a headache.  And all three together probably equaled a migraine.  I had so much medicine running through my veins trying to alleviate the pain it was incredible.  But nothing helped, just time.  And eating.

Which brings me to something I've realized over the past half week or so.  I don't get hungry.  I mean, I get hungry but it's not a hunger I'm used to.  I used to get the growling stomach/hunger pains then the rush of "Oh my God if I don't eat something like right NOW I'm positive I'm going to DIE" pain that propelled me to grab anything in sight.  Seriously, it was a force to be reckoned with.

But I don't get that anymore and thus I forget to eat sometimes.  Hence, the 24 hours with only a sweet potato under my belt that contributed to my headache.  I've had to learn to look for other signals from my body to eat.  I mean, once I started looking for the hunger I found it, it just doesn't feel like it used to.  It's really, really subtle and thus I only need to eat small amounts to satisfy it.  Weird right?  I don't know how long it took for my hunger to change all I know is I'm glad it has.  There was nothing I hated more than coming home from work ravenous with all sorts of food thoughts running through my mind.  I'd forget about the healthy meal that was waiting for me in the fridge and I'd go order something that was most definitely not good for me.  You know, thai food or gnocchi or pizza.  I haven't had that happen yet.  Knock on wood.

So this week's goal is to listen for my own special hunger cues.    Because if I don't - it's not pretty.

Today's Menu:

B:  SMOOTHIE:  coconut milk + pea rice protein + hemp seed + frozen strawberries
L:  cream of vegetable soup
D:  french ratatouille + baked cod + jasmine rice

I made the soup and fish/rice/ratatouille last night.  I'm pretty sure both recipes are going to be keepers.  Especially the ratatouille.  It's amazing.  I made it because Trader Joe's has this individual frozen meal Cod Provencale with Ratatouille and Rice and I LOVE it.  Like crazy love it.  However, when I read the ingredients there was one, tiny, ingredient that I wasn't sure about and so to be safe, I decided to just make it myself.  Tonight will be my first time having it so hopefully, it's a winner.

The House Guest Plan

Alright, since the Christmas Party Plan worked out so well for me, I'm going to try my hand at the House Guest Plan because I have TWO coming tomorrow.

My sister and her new husband will be staying with me until Monday night.  My sister, bless her heart, is one of those fortunate people who has never had the cruel hand of weight gain grasping at her throat.  In fact, she's had 5, YES FIVE, children and has never gained weight.  Wait, that's not true.  She gained like 50 pounds with the first one but lost it 3 weeks later.  When I asked her how she did it, she told me she just did aerobics a couple of times a week until it was gone.

Ugh.  Don't you just hate people like that.

Anyway, they are coming and I need to be prepared.  The last time my family was in town was 2 months ago and I gained 3 pounds that week.  I'd also like to note that the next week I lost that 3 pounds but it's not like I'm bragging or anything ;)


I have a few things on my side.  First, they are only here for about 56 hours.  Yes, it's a mighty quick trip.  Second, they don't have a huge budget as it's that time of year and as I mentioned before she has five children.

So with that in mind lets begin;

Saturday:

They get in at noon, that gives me time to have a low point, filling breakfast, go to the gym to earn some AP points, and then grab a nice sugar free latte on the way to the airport.

I'll probably have a smoothie.  The ones I've been making this week for breakfast have been keeping me full for a long time and they run about 4 points.  **sidebar:  coconut milk in your smoothie.  I recently bought some because the store was out of almond milk.  It's higher in fat but man does it keep you full - give it a try!**  A sugar free latte will run me 3-4 depending on where I go.

However, what will probably be more likely is that when I get up Saturday morning, I'll be running around my apartment like a mad woman doing some last minute cleaning, if things go as planned, I'll get to the gym, if not, I'll skip the gym AND breakfast but either way I'm grabbing that latte.

So, by the time I get them, I'll be out anywhere from 4-8 points.

They will most likely be hungry.  I'll take them somewhere cool and we'll have lunch.  I'll just make sure that it's someplace that has salad.  As I'm the one that knows where everything is, I get to have control over the choices I give them.  Score one for being the host!  That lunch will run me as much or as little I want.  I'll be charitable and give myself 8 points.  8 points is a lot for a lunch especially if I order the right way.  Hopefully I won't use them all.

Now I'm out 12-16 points total for the day.

Once I get thru lunch it's lots of running around being a tourist.  I won't be giving myself any APs for that but it's nice to know I'll at least be active.

Saturday night.  I can pretty much guarantee this will involve card playing and pizza.  How do I know this?  Because I just know.

Pizza:

Papa John's original crust Cheese pizza (4.5 ounces) = 7 points
Papa John's original crust BBQ chicken pizza (5.4 ounces) = 9 points
Papa John's original crust Veggie pizza (5.8 ounces) = 7
Papa John's original crust Pepperoni pizza (4.9 ounces) = 9

Ok, those are approximate weights for 1 slice of a large pizza.  I won't be ordering from Papa John's because we have local options that are great but I'll use this as a guide.  It seems as if ordering as many vegetables as possible is the best choice, but I'll make sure everyone gets something they will enjoy.

I also will order a garden salad from the place and use dressing from my fridge.  Now, with all that in mind, I plan on eating 2 slices of pizza, my big old salad and hopefully I can call it a night at 15-22 points for the evening.  Wow, that's a lot of points for pizza. 

The reality of the situation?  3 slices is possible because to be honest, pizza is awesome.  My PLAN is two slices.

Total for the day:  27 - 38 (I get 26/day)


SUNDAY:

Whatever sight-seeing we don't get to Saturday will be gotten to Sunday.  If I wake up early enough, I'm going to see if I can squeeze in a super quick workout while they are taking their showers.  As for eating, I'm going to suggest brunch at a cheap local diner.  Of course, since it's local they don't have calorie counts so I'm going to go with Denny's as a reference:

-Veggie-Cheese Omelette (3 eggs, cheese, veggies):  13 points
And don't be fooled, the sides that automatically come with the omelette are not included in those points
 -Fit and Fare Omelette w/ turkey bacon (egg whites, cheese, veggies):  10 points

Components of Meal:
-Bacon Strips:  2 points
-Turkey Bacon:  2 points
-Buttermilk Biscuit:  5 points
-2 eggs:  7 points
-egg whites:  1 point
-English Muffin (no butter):  3 points
-Hash Browns:  6 points
-2 Pancakes (no syrup/butter): 9 points
- Sausage Links:  5 points

 Ok, that's enough to make an informed decision.  We're looking at egg whites, bacon, fruit, maybe an english muffin and coffee.  Er, lets say about 7-8 points for breakfast.

More sight-seeing.

Dinner will be Cheesecake Factory.  How do I know we're eating at Cheesecake Factory?  Because we're going to see The Hobbit Sunday night and the restaurant is right beside the theater!

I already know I'm getting something off of their new light menu.  I've had one thing off of it, it still came in at around 14 points for the meal but I only ate half of it and I was STUFFED.  SO -- I probably will order it again because it was delicious.  It was shrimp creole or something like that.

Hopefully I can say no to the bread basket, have maybe one cocktail (they also have a skinny menu for cocktails!!  the sangria isn't half bad in case you're wondering)

So dinner:  7-11 points


Let's see:  so far, I'm out 14-19 points.  Wow, that's not too bad at all.  That definitely leaves room for the inevitable...

Krispy Kreme.  My sister has an obsession with my local Krispy Kreme.  We will undoubtedly go there at least twice.

Original glazed donut:  5 points (2 for 11 points)
Chocolate iced custard filled:  9 points
Raspberry filled: 8

Wow, the clear winner is the original glazed.  Done and done.

Krispy Kreme:  5 - 11 points

Sunday total:  19 - 30

I know that's quite the spread but if I stick to the lower end of the plan I can probably dodge some bullets.  You know, like the bread basket ;)

MONDAY:

ugh. 

Honestly, I have no idea.  I'll try to get an idea Saturday or Sunday how they want Monday to go. 

This is exhausting.


Ok, first, if we can squeeze in a workout then we will but I'm not going to stress it. 

I wish I could just leave this up to chance but I'm on a streak here and I really want to stay in line.

Ok, so I'll pick up stuff for breakfast (4 -6 points), we'll go out for lunch at either a local Mexican place or this Hamburger joint.  Hopefully they'll pick the Mexican place because it has this great salad that is just chicken with tons of vegetables.  It's really good too.  They use rotisserie chicken that you can see roasting in the kitchen.  Mexican points:  8 points

Hamburger points:  Good lord.

Outback Hamburgers (just the burger w/ lettuce/tomato/onion):  18 points
Outback Bloomin Burger (burger w/ cheese, bloomin onions, bloomin onion sauce, and veggies): 28 points

I'm going to go with a plain hamburger, no cheese, no mayo, and keep the veggies and mustard.  I'm sure it'll still be great.

As for sides:
Outback fries:  11 points.

So, I'll eat half:  5 points.

So Hamburger points:  14  (for 1/2 of everything)

Dinner will be something, quick, easy and cheap.  And I don't have to eat it if I don't want because while they have to get on a flight to go back home,  I get to go back to my house where there are plenty of options.













Dinner points:  Whatever I have left - anywhere from 7 - 14 points.  That's so easy I can't even begin to explain.

As long as we can avoid another trip to Krispy Kreme .... 

I can totally do this.

Sorry for the long post but this REALLY helped me wrap my head around what's to come.  I actually feel pretty good.  And don't be fooled.  This email was 6 hours in the making.  Trying to figure out where to go, finding points, making decisions.

In any case, I'm glad I did it.

Oh wait, I just realized I didn't account for Krispy Kreme on Saturday.  And yes, she WILL want to go that many times.

Ok, I'll going to declare this here and now.  No matter how many times she chooses to go to Krispy Kreme, I will not eat every time.  I will follow my guide.  If I don't eat them on Saturday, I'll know that on Sunday I can enjoy them.

There, that was easy.

The Christmas Party Plan

I had my parties on Saturday.  The plan held.  Sort of ;)

I, somehow, mismanaged my time on Saturday getting ready before the parties.  I did not realize we had so much to do and that the first party started at 6pm and was half an hour (without traffic) away.  So I begrudgingly accepted the fact that my workout was not going to happen.

Yeah, that was a bummer.  I was counting on some of those AP points.  However, I accepted it and moved on and told myself to just stay aware all night long.

I also didn't eat what I planned beforehand.  However, I ate the same amount of points I had already planned.  Just switched it up a little.

The first party was super easy.  There was even LESS food on the menu than I was told.  I guess I wasn't the only one who ran out of time. Score one for me.  And I was having such a good time talking to people I didn't even really care about much else.  I left that party well within my allotted points.

Then came the second party.

By the time we got there, pretty much all the good treats and stuff were picked over.  And here's a little secret.  The host of this second party is not particularly known for their amazing cuisine.  I was also kind of counting on that and they did not fail!  I know that's a horrible thing to say but score another for me!!!  I had two rum and diet cokes and then spent the evening talking to friends I hadn't seen in awhile.  I left that party WELL under budget.

I think mentally walking through both parties really helped me.  It made me feel like I already knew what was going to happen.  When I walked into the first party and the prosecco was on the table, I grabbed a glass and without thinking poured myself half a flute.  When it was time to eat, I got my plate and I didn't even think about it.  I just took the amounts I had already mentally planned.  At the second party, I went to the bar and automatically grabbed the rum and diet coke.  Things like that.  And the cherry on top was that I had a great time at both parties.

That's definitely a trick I'm going to use again.

Today's Menu:
B:  smoothie:  coconut milk + hemp protein + frozen pineapple/mango
S:  vegetable soup
L:  turkey and provolone lettuce wrap + apple
D:  probably cod + ratatouille + wild rice

New Weight Watchers Program

I'm sick.  Nothing too major (knock on wood) but I spent my weekend on the couch with cold medicine.  I did, however, manage to help decorate the Christmas tree. 

I love my Christmas tree.

I didn't do any workouts in an effort to help conquer whatever bug I have and hopefully the worst is over.  Today, my hope is to feel well enough to go do a walk on my lunch break but I'm not going to push it.  I usually push it and a 2-3 day bug turns into a week or two event.

It figures I would get sick as I made my goal this week to not eat any AP points.  I mean, what kind of goal is that if you don't earn any points?

Moving on.

Weight Watchers changed their program.  It feels like they do this once a year now.  It honestly doesn't bug me any but what they changed was not the points system or counting or any core thing like that.  They changed what I guess you could call the strategies.  I haven't really had a chance to look at it that much but from what I have seen it's nothing too innovative.  But it's nice to get some new information.  Maybe something they put in there will speak to me and make all of this seem like a cake-walk.

Wishful thinking.

My weigh-in is in 4 days.  I feel bloated.  I'm also cranky - can you tell?

I hope today gets better ;)

Today's menu:
B:  breakfast club sandwich (basically a turkey sandwich with an egg white)
S:  carrots/broccoli/celery/cherry tomato + dip + apple + string cheese
L:  cod + ratatouille
D:  chili + sweet potato

Day Before Weigh In

As of right now, I'm -46 points for the week.  It was pretty much a combination of Tuesday and Wednesday and a hormonal need to eat if you know what I mean.

Tuesday night the cravings hit me like a mack truck and I had McDonald's for dinner and that is what sent me into negative territory.  And then Wednesday night I felt as if I would die if I didn't eat something.   Seriously, not a hunger pang in sight but the need was there.  When I normally get PMS I don't always feel this way, but when I do it's pretty bad.  And thus I went further into the negative.

I stepped on the scale this morning and it was up over 3.5 pounds from last week.  Who knows how much of that is real.  Honestly, I didn't care, I even had the thought "Might as well make it a trifecta because all of my points reset Friday".   I was prepared to eat my way through the day.  I felt gross.  Actually, I STILL feel gross but going all out eating anything I want is not going to fix that feeling.  And as difficult as it is, I decided to stay the course for the day.  Eat my daily points, eat as well as humanly possible, exercise and drink my water.  It's not going to magically fix anything but at least I've reeled it in.

For the moment.


Here's hoping that once I make it home to dinner this resolution will stick. 

I'll be honest, I'm human therefore anything can happen.

And I've been craving Thai food mighty fierce like ;)

I Weighed In Anyways

I figured why the hell not.  I was quite aware of the negativeness (is that even a word?) of my points so why not face the results.

I gained 3.4 pounds.

And somehow miraculously, it didn't send me into a negative tailspin.  It made me excited for a new week, a new set of points, and a new chance to kick some ass.  It's a challenge and I love me some challenges.  I want to get rid of those 3.4 pounds and then some this week.

Oh, and just for full disclosure.  I was negative 87 for the week.  Yes, I tracked every last thing I ate.

Wait, I forgot something.  Hold on.  Make that negative 90.

I want to mention that even though I'm pretty sure hardly anyone is reading any of this, it's still kind of hard to admit things like negative points and weight gain.  And while seeing a gain is hard on anyone who's trying to lose weight, it's even harder to admit to others when you fail.  Especially when you HAVEN'T been doing everything right.  But I really want to try to become better at admitting when I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I'm a perfectionist by nature.  I HATE failing more than anything.  And if I can toot my own horn for a second, I'm usually pretty good at EVERYTHING I try.  Everything but weight loss.  Seriously, I've been on this earth 30 some years and this is the one battle I can't seem to get the edge on.

But I'm trying anyways.  And I want to be honest about my wins as well as my losses.  Cause fibbing about it won't do me any good.  And who knows, maybe my failure will help someone else.

So for those of you that are reading,  I ate too much last week.  I ate too much and was -90 points.  And I knew that I was doing it.  And yes, there were alternative, healthier options but I chose otherwise.  And if I want losses, I need to choose better.  End of story.

As for my other goals, I did not do my best on the water intake for the first half of the week but I quickly got back into the swing of it once my guests left and my life went back to normal.  Also, I did NOT get 20 Activity Points in.

I got 21!!

And with that victory, I'll bid you good day.

Today's menu:
B:  1 egg + 2 egg whites + 2 slices reduced calorie bread + 1 slice RF cheese + COFFEE
L:  big veggie salad + tuna salad + dressing + banana
D:  ?

Will someone please tell me to go grocery shopping already?

Week 7 p90x = Mental Endurance

I made a mistake yesterday.  I switched up a workout this past week and yesterday I was scheduled to end my week on Legs & Back and have today be a rest day.

I had plenty of time to do my workout but somehow I talked myself into doing it today.  I remember sitting there talking it out with my boyfriend and how it seemed like a good idea.

Well, today is Monday and I know I have to do Legs & Back today but I don't think I thought this thru clearly enough.

Today was supposed to be my rest day.  My one, single rest day for the week.  But since I took it yesterday I don't get to rest today.  Instead for the next SEVEN days, I have to do workouts.  Oh, I could finagle the schedule again and move a day here or there but I feel like I've worked the system enough.  I need to get back on course.  And in order to do that, I NEED to just muscle thru the next seven days.

Unless of course, I do a doubles day.  That's right, a doubles day.  Two workouts in one day.  Maybe I will and maybe I won't.

Ok, I probably won't.

Lesson learned.  Stick to the schedule and don't allow yourself to think.  You'll come up with crazy ideas that will end up being worse then just going into your workout room and doing the stupid workout.

Well, week 7 is proving to be interesting already.

As for week 6.  It was ok.  I'm still fighting with my calorie intake.  I sincerely hope I win the battle this week.  Weight loss is still almost non-existent.  I think I finally hit the 2 pounds lost mark.  WOO-HOO!  Inches are still coming off but not as quickly as in the first phase.  I will be posting the newest numbers at the end of this week.  I wanted to wait two weeks this time around.  Also my body fat percentage is showing a downward trend, so while I'm not exactly sure the number I'm getting is correct, it at least keeps going down at a slow rate.  That's got to be something right?

As for my post title.  I really believe this is the time where you need to figure out why you're doing this and why you want to continue.  The workouts are getting more awesome because I can feel how strong I've become and how far I've progressed.  However, the monotony is starting to show.  The same workout for weeks on end would take its toll on ANYONE.  For instance, talking myself out of Legs & Back yesterday was stupid.  It's one of my favorite workouts and yet I am a little bored with it so I let that influence my decision.  I have to remind myself that I committed myself to 90 days of doing this.  After the 90 days if I want to switch it up I can, but for the next 6 weeks, I'm sticking to what's written on my schedule.

So in light of this, I'm really trying to keep mentally focused this week.  I don't want to be this far into the game and then be one of those people that said "Oh, I had to start over".

Because in all honesty, if I had to start over I'm not sure I would see it through to the end.


Today's menu:

B:  Protein Shake + Coffee
S:  Turkey Jerky
L:  Roasted Pork + Vegetables
S:  Almonds
D:  Hamburger on WW Bun + Salad

Week 4 of p90x = Recovery Week

And I need recovery bad.  I'm exhausted!!  Between meal planning, finding time to work out, actually doing the work out, and just every day life, this program is very time consuming.  Don't take that as any reason whatsoever to not do it if you're thinking about it.  It's not an excuse, it's just a fact.  Living healthy takes some work.  But like all hard work, there are rewards:

1.  Guess who can do real push-ups?  I can!  I'm starting out all push-up exercises on my toes and not on my knees and this is very exciting for me. I can't finish entire sets that way but I'm getting closer.

2.  I've lost body fat.  Real, actual body fat.  I'll give the exact reading on Friday with the other stats but from what's been popping up on my monitor, I'm pretty excited. 

3.  I can feel my muscles in every single thing I do.  Whether it's feeling the firmness in my legs while I'm just walking down the hall or how my back muscles tighten when I do something as simple as stretch, they're there and they are getting strong.  It's kind of an awesome feeling.  Do I look like I have ripping muscles?  Nope.  I still have an awesome layer of fat to work off but I definitely feel firmer all around.

4.  I'm progressing.  It always shocks me when I realize this too.  My reps are getting higher and the amount I lift keeps going up.  I mean, it makes perfect sense that this would happen but it's nice to see it on my workout sheets.  It's real, actual proof that I'm improving.



Those are just a few things that I've noticed.  Yes, it's hard.  Yes, there are days I hate it but I can't deny the fact that it's pretty darn effective.  Phase 2 for me begins on Monday.  I'm switching over to the classic schedule just to see.  It's supposed to be the more intensive of the 2 (lean vs. classic) and I'm intrigued to see how much so.


Also, I haven't been following the nutrition plan exactly.  During the first phase I was supposed to be following the Fat Shredder eating plan - 50% Protein / 30% Carbs / 20% Fat.  I have yet to hit that.  I pretty much have been maintaining 40p/20c/30f.  At the calorie level I'm using, 50% protein comes out to be about 187 grams of protein.  That's a whole, whole, whole bunch.  To put it in perspective - 3 ounces of a roasted chicken breast has about 25ish grams of protein.  Therefore, I would need to eat about 1.5 pounds of chicken a day to eat my protein requirement.  Yikes.  I, of course, would not try to get all of my protein that way but that's a lot of bird.  Anyway, while it seems difficult it's obviously not impossible to accomplish, so I have challenged myself to start Phase 2 trying to hold fast to the nutrition plan.  I mean, on one hand I know it's the key to getting optimal results, its just the other hand is whining about how hard it's going to be ;)

Whatever, I'm doing it.

In other p90x news I still hate yoga.

Today's menu:

B:  Coffee + Creamer + slice ww toast + 1 T PB + 1 c. cottage cheese
S:  1/2 ww english muffin + 1.5 ounces ham + 1/2 laughing cow wedge
L:  4 ounces Roasted Turkey + Laughing Cow + Stone Ground Crackers + Romaine + Carrots + Edamame + Ginger dressing

Ok, this is where I'm at in my eating day - - and for reference this is what I have so far:

22% fat
42.7% carbs
35.2% protein (I'm at 96.9g so far)

Eh, not too bad.

S:  Maybe whey protein shake w/ some almond milk
D:  Maybe some breakfast for dinner

Tonight's exercise is either Stretching or Kenpo - I haven't decided.  Did I mention I'm running on 3 hours of sleep?

Holidays and Bathing Suits

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.  I had a pretty good time but I really wish there was at least one holiday that didn't revolve around eating! 

We were fortunate here in SoCal to have amazing weather so the holiday event I was attending naturally turned into a pool party.  Good times.  Once I found out, I honestly had no intention of participating in the swimsuit portion, but since I had just taken my measurements and was feeling pretty good I thought "Let's just see".  So I got out my bathing suits and just stared at them.  I haven't had one on since last August and even then it wasn't a pleasant event.  I finally put one on and it wasn't so bad.  And before I could let my thoughts get the best of me, I got ready and left for the party.  I didn't get in the pool, the water was a little chilly, but I did take off my shorts and let the sun hit my legs.  I probably would have gone further as I was feeling confident but one of my friends (a male no less) got out his camera.  Men just don't think about things like unflattering pictures.  EVER.  They also don't blink before tagging you in something on Facebook.

Still, it was small victory for me indeed.  One of the things I REALLY want to accomplish this year is going to the beach and pool more.  The last 2 summers I've allowed myself to avoid being in a bathing suit because of my body and that's just not cool.  I've always been a bigger girl but I've never allowed myself to feel uncomfortable in my bathing suit.  Yes, there have been times when I've had to take a second or two before I removed my cover up but I always remind myself that there is nothing wrong with how I look.  I'm constantly trying to get healthy and as long as I'm fighting the good fight I shouldn't be ashamed. 

Right?

All in all it was a good weekend  I indulged with my friends but I certainly plan to make up for it this week.  I finished week 3 of p90x strong.  Maybe too strong.  I did legs and back on Saturday before the party and I am STILL feeling it.

Today starts day 1 of Week 4.  I am pleased with how things are going so far but there is no doubt in my mind that I need to kick everything up a notch.  This week I'm going to concentrate on hitting my calorie level (1500) and my calorie burn (400).  I looked over the last 3 weeks and I have yet to hit that 1500 mark solidly so I want one good week in there.

Today's menu:

B:  left it at home!
S:  banana + PB
L:  1/2 turkey sandwich + salad
S:  almonds
D:  ham + green beans + roasted carrots